Submitting to Your Spouse

Throughout Ephesians 5, we see the picture of Christ and the Church interwoven almost seamlessly through his description of marriage. This is because marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. And yet, even though we have redefined submission through taking a look at Christ’s submission, we can still read this passage and squirm at the ideas of wives submitted to their husbands and the husband being the head of the wife. But when we take a look at the parallels between husband and wife, Christ and the Church, we start to understand what this can look like in marriage.

Christ doesn’t ask for blind submission from his Church. He doesn’t ask for our submission and then proceed to use us for his own selfish gain or to our detriment. Submission to Christ within the Church is something else entirely. Speaking in terms of a body, the head is what houses the brain and helps all parts of the body to function the way they were created to function—to the benefit of the whole body. With Christ as head of the Church, he gives us all identity and purpose to be used in the body to bring the kingdom of God here on earth. When we submit to Christ, we are submitting to a loving, gracious, kind, gentle Lord who desires that we would step into who we were created to be and live in our God-given purpose. Because of this, we are our best selves when we join the Church in submission to Christ. We know Christ’s love and grace most deeply when we join the Church in submission to Christ. 

With this in mind, when Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, he is inviting them to a submission where they get to be their best selves—where they will know love and grace most deeply. This is why the submission of wives to their husbands actually gives a much heavier weight to husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24, 33 talks to wives, but all of 5:22-33 talks to husbands. While wives are called to submit, husbands are called to love their wives in the same way Christ loved the Church and gave himself up to make her holy and blameless. That’s a radical and sacrificial kind of love. If wives are submitting to a husband who loves her like Christ loves the Church, then the wife will thrive in a loving, gentle, gracious, kind, patient, humble, joyful, peaceful environment.

Reflection/Discussion Questions: If you are married, how could you take steps to submit to one another in this way? If you are not married, how could you take steps to join the church in submission to Christ as the head of the church?